Wanderings

Tomorrow is my WW meeting and, just like every week, I'm feeling a bit nervous.


I'm following the programs, exercising and walking daily so I know I'm doing well.

This week I've had to battle some demons from my past.  Those nasty creatures that scratch at the edge of  long scarred-over wounds. 
Even though I know in this race, slow and steady wins it, I also know there is still a faster path. 
It's horrid and violent and unkind to my body, but it's the only thing (this far) that has ever made a drastic difference.


Preposterous, that a morbidly obese woman struggles with anorexia.  But, there it is.  I name it, I face it, I shoo it out the door.  


God really knows the needs of my woman's heart, the need for holy friends who challenge me, check-in, affirm and keep me accountable.  One friend in particular (you know who you are), has consistently asked me about my anorexia, about self-love and anxiety and awareness.  She has weathered much in her life and it has given her a gift of wisdom, smoothed by constant friction of wretched happenstance, so that loving wise words flow freely.


Today is today, and I shall do with it what I can.


Today I am thankful for:
~A new gathering of women, a faith-sharing group in its seedling stages.  Inspired by the Holy Spirit, encouraged into being with the companionship of my aforementioned soul friend, it's exciting and I want to share more....but not just yet.


~Kindergarten and my Jacob man lovin' it.  He rocks the socks off of the classroom library, gobbling up Magic Treehouse books left and right, painting up a storm, exploring the new materials and reveling in friendships old and new.  Sweet Clara joins Kevin and Jacob for the trolley ride in the morning with never a complaint but much 5 year old chatter about pressing matters.

Like the language they made up----no joke.

It typically goes something like this

                                      Clara:  Beeetywallah cooleetah

                                     Jacob:  Shrinngi lofta blobbatoo

                                     Jacob:  She asked if I wanted to play soccer and I said yes, right Clara?

                                     Clara:  Yup

~Cecilia's constantly evolving personality and language.  For example, we have started joining a bunch of Village ladies and kiddos for  (almost) daily walks to the grotto and back.  It's been a wonderful beginning to the day as a cool-down after my cardio workout, the chance to chat with friends and be out in the fresh air.  Without fail, as we approach the grotto, Ceci points to the statue Mary and shows some combination of "Mommy Mayee [Mary], Deesoos [Jesus] Mama," or "Mwah Mama," or "Mayee luhhvoo."  Tear.


~Sunday beach trip.  Good friends, HUGE waves, children satisfied to slip hands and toes through sand for hours.  Laughing uncontrollably in the giant waves and---at the risk of sounding super cheesy--I felt like God was wanting to show off a bit of a playful side.  And I jumped on that hootinanny like, well, like a kid on a jungle gym. 

Yup, I said it.  

 ~Pilates, dance and kick-boxing workouts that kick my tuckus, jump-start my day and bring on the burn.  Oh, and that bittersweet muscle soreness that lets me know I've brought it.


You may notice this post is sadly short, and even more sadly sans pictures.  In the interest of more frequent posting, I'm trying not to feel the need to put everythingonmymindinonepost....also, when my battery charger decides to show up again, I promise the screen shall come alive! 


Have a happy hump day!

My Baby Is Starting Kindergarten

And I am....I don't know...

Sad, nostalgic, excited, unsure, thankful, OLD!

How have we gone from this:

to THIS????

Though we have much thinking and praying to do about Jacob's further education (as my post-in-the-works will share), I know that this is where he should be right now:

Kindergarten at ECDC Notre Dame with many of the friends he's known for years, especially Clara.


And as we pack up the whole family tomorrow, walk him in, snap a dozen photos and walk away I'll soak it all up.  Every dimple in his handsome face, his thick unruly hair, long eyelashes, thirsty mind, big heart and incredible energy.  I will savor the moment of his first official foray into the world of "school," whatever that means for him.


But I won't forget...he'll always be my baby.

In the Pocket

CAVEAT:


[Because the whole lifestyle change things is kinda central in my life right now, many of my posts are going to be in some way about that, which also necessitates a usage of many cheesy metaphors, hyphenated word chains and of course, updates].


So, those who know, and some who love me, are aware that I can be a woman of extremes.


If I'm in one of my extremey moods, I either want a 3 hour nap or no nap, I'm ecstatic or depressed, I want a bag of BBQ kettle chips or none at all, I want to be loved by all or brood in a Radiohead-soaked corner, I want my house perfectly organized down to the smallest drawer, or else it goes to pot.


I want to post every single day, or stop blogging.  ;0)


Now, I say can be a woman of extremes, because I'm workin' on it. 


Little by little, in the maturation (?!?)  process, I've gleaned some tools to take a more moderate approach, to find that sweet spot where the extremes balance in a perfect happy rendezvous.


Rather than a daily occurrence, these all-or-nothing moods can be little blips in my week where I catch a breather, think about why I'm feeling the need for extremism and take stock. 


Often times I need to center myself more in prayer, in rest, in diet or activity. 

Actually, if I'm keeping up on all fronts, my moderate D kicks it in control.

Oh, you know you're jealous of my mulletability

This first month of Weight Watchers, I lost an average of 2.5 pounds a week.  Old Danielle might be bothered by the slow moving numbers on the scale, but I am proud to see the slow and steady drop.  It means less stress on my body, less saggy skin and a greater likelihood of those pounds being gone FOREVER!


For the first few weeks, I focused mostly on the nutrition aspect, faithfully calculating every bite and shooing out problem foods (like the aforementioned kettle chips) from our cupboards.  I don't banish all treats from my life, and most days enjoy something small, I just plan for it and count the points.


Jacob and Ceci often come with me to my meetings, which has been a huge boon amidst the obvious practical challenges.  Jacob asks every other day if it's meeting day.  He participates in the theme of the meeting and often gives his favorite tips, with Ceci's enthusiastic "YAAAY" as musical accompaniment to the weekly celebration and star-sticker distribution.


Both kiddos are awesome workout partners.  With the various netflix streaming workout videos, we bust a dance move, stretch and strengthen with pilates or sculpt major muscle groups.  This afternoon, even Kev joined in and we sweated up a storm as a family.

As one might say, I'm in the pocket.  Riding my groove to a better me.

Sing it, random red-suited lip-syncing man

~~~~~


We have had such an insanely busy summer, with just one "normal" weekend at home in two months.  After being in Israel for four months, we hit the ground running with Kev's absence for June conferences (one in NYC and one in Scotland), a trip to Maine, a wonderful weekend in Cleveland for our godson's Baptism, and an extended family reunion with the Grimes family.

~~Random Joys


My affinity for old-school bonnets and my girl in them.

You better believe she rocks a zip line like nobody's business

Fresh blueberries, preferably picked my my clan and lovingly taste-tested for optimum flavor.

 ~~Children.

Living in the Village, I get to savor the idiosyncracies of many littles at once, the intrinsic social systems, their life of imagination and moments of awe in a fuzzy caterpillar or cicada shell.  On a particularly blessed day, they come close with their sun-kissed skin and sticky mouths, whispering a secret, "I love you."

Children continually gift us with the ability to see things in a new light, with a freshness that is, over time, lost from our adult lives.

Perhaps because I still feel very much feel child-like, I really "get" them, and they me.  


~~Silly kid tricks
Ceci does this thing, where when she gets tired instead of crying, she starts blowing bubbles with increasing enthusiasm until someone (usually Kev) joins in. 

The fez.  Ceci is obsessed.  Often, after Jacob gets her out of bed in the morning we hear the pitter patter of feet into the living room and back again where, from the perch of our king-sized bed we see see a floating fez.  And, she's ready for the day.

~~Jacob becoming a young man.

It makes my heart proud and broken all at once.  From chapter books to addition and subtraction to endurance running (no joke--a mile at a time), to wanting to push Ceci's stroller to washing dishes to his long slender summer browned athletic body, my boy is growing up.  He is fiery and gentle, he loves his sissy with great tenderness and protection.  He is coming into his boyhood with fervor and competition and all things manly.  Including self-trained "martial arts."  

~~Feeling my core and other major muscle groups tighten up and strengthen.

~~Finding these plantar fascitis-fighting puppies at Marshall's for $35 instead of $125.  Sanitas, you woo me with your sassy prints.  Must put on wish list.
 
 ~~Getting to see Kathleen in the cloister.  My heart leapt to see your face and ached to give you a huge hug.  I don't understand, but I know you are where God wants you to be.  At least for now.

"Auntie, come play with me!!"

"Fine, I'm comin' in!!"

We turn our back, and this is what we find---Ceci doing the sign of the cross, saying "Deesuhs, Deesuhs"

~~Veggie Straws, I heart you
 


~~Oh there are so many more to name, but for now I shall sign off. 

I leave you with something I've posted before, but have reason to again.  Tree of Life is FINALLY coming to South Bend, and we have our tickets!  Do you have yours?

http://performingarts.nd.edu/calendar/view.aspx?id=1657