Though I began with the intention of writing a beauty post, I of course got distracted by the shiny day of interactions I had, and thought I'd talk about friendship. Totally not going to obsess about getting it right, just getting it out. Plenty more on this theme to come....
***********
I will admit it.
I have an inordinate need to be liked, understood and accepted.
I am easily hurt, and sometime feel like a 7th grade girl in my self-consciousness.
I sometimes get suspicious and question why people even like me at all.
Because I'm the funny fat girl? Because I bring some laughs? Because I'm just odd enough to be fun but not too odd to be avoided?
Bull caca.
FINALLY, in my 31st year, I'm growing up.
When I meet new people or see old friends, I don't need to prove myself, convince them of my worthiness. If they are or will be my friends, they know.
Some at first may not seem like a friend match, but then slowly unfolds a beautiful relationship. It may take time, and that's ok.
Some will remain only acquaitances, and that's ok.
There will be those who, though well-meaning, just can't give what I need in a friendship, and that's ok.
Some friendships will start with enthusiasm and wane away in awkwardness. And that's ok.
There will be friendships seriously grounded in shared faith, and those founded in a respect for one another's faith. And that's ok.
I will meet people who need more from me than I can give. I will honor them with honesty, and that's ok.
Some, with whom meeting induces a giant explosive awesomeness, and that's ok. (Here's lookin' at you, Nanette "Hey Soul Sister."
After weeks/months/years of distance, some friendships rekindle with richness more beautiful than before. (Hello, Jantre and Chrissy)!
I am beginning to embrace the natural rhythms of friendships.
The best advice given to Kevin and me in our relationship rings also true for friendships.
Let it take it's natural course.
Easy, right?
Don't force it, don't fight it.
Be open to the Spirit, because you might end up at a park doing the splits on a Tuesday afternoon. Twice.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Festivity of Beauty
Well, a day late and a dollar short, but I'm still going to post a beauty fest/wandering thoughts.
Before that, some unloading.
We spent last night in the emergency room for what looked like a possible second miscarriage.
After a wonderful gathering with friends on Friday night and Saturday morning, I quickly began to have many of the same experiences as when I lost Benedict in July. Memories returned to me with intensity and confusion, and my beloved, steadfast Kevin tended to me like the true servant-hearted man he is. Janice, too, always thinking of how to to serve, came and gave me hugs and sat with me and let me ramble and cry. My adoptive mama while my mama is so far.
After resting/suffering much of Sunday, the doctor said it was important to come in to the ER to be sure I wasn't in need of a D and C or transfusion.
Okay, it's our first situation where we need to leave on a whim, and where to we turn? A role so often filled by family, to whom do we turn in our time of need to care for our sweeties as their own?
The Guy family, of course, came through again.
Laura and Adam have been such a welcoming force in our new lives here, consistently calling to check in, inviting us to gatherings and showing genuine care for us as we make a new home and community.
Dependable, loving, authentic.
As I called to tell Laura what was happening, before I even had a chance to ask, she said, "Bring the kids over. Pack pjs, they can spend the night if they need to."
And that, people, is how to be a friend. To anticipate needs, to support with joy, to actually and actively show care.
So long story short, we sat in the ER for 4+ hours, underwent tests, confirmed that it was NOT a miscarriage (praise God!!!!!!), waiting, blood tests, waiting, yadda, yadda, yadda. Texting ferociously with a dear soul friend, well-versed in these situations with a doctor hubby to boot. (Thank you, loves), and more waiting.
Diagnosis: Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding. Yup, that's a pretty good description.
Follow-up appointments and testing will come, but today has been a recovery day for me. Please pray that my energy will perk up and that I can actually get back to "normal."
But, you know, no matter the drudgery and challenges we've had, there is ALWAYS beauty to be found....
*************
Beauty:
My Jacob coming into his own, smoothing over some rough edges with patience, hardwork and lots of snuggles.
Best examples of his amazingness this week:
He CLEANED, unbidden, uncomplaining, and THOROUGH. I mean, boyfriend organized books, returned items to their proper place, swiped, wiped and rocked it. This happened not once but twice this weekend, bringing mama to tears of joy. No joke, he said, "Mama, can I do anything more to clean?"
Speaking of tears:
**************
Beauty: Watching old favorite movies and enjoying them through the eyes of my own childhood, anew as an adult, and through Jacob's eyes. This weekend's gem was:
Remember this version??? It's on Amazon Prime streaming. Jacob wanted to watch Avengers, but with a bit of, "it was one of my favorite movies as a kid," coaxing, he agreed. And it did not disappoint.
There's something moving about watching a film so simply done, dependent largely on dialogue, no major special effects, and to see one's child become engrossed. Even in the modern age of bigger, faster, louder, given the chance, our children can still fall in love with movies like this.
During the penultimate dramatic scene, I was of course already bawling. I look over to Jacob, whose hands are shielding his face from me. I moved them away, and there are huge crocodile tears pouring down that gorgeous face.
He's got it, that gift of tears, people!
**************
Beauty:
Beauty:
Meeting new friends.
I came home from work the other day, hormones all wacky a doo and as Kevin walks into the yard I melt into tears in his burly arms. We look over to see the BEAUTIFUL rainbow at the bottom of our hill, as it meets up with the mountains. A sweet young couple with a baby, a toddler and a puppy in walk past. I apologize for the random scene of a grown woman crying on the lawn, and we strike up a conversations. They, too, are new to the area and looking for a young family to befriend. Well, what else would we do but invite them to dinner the next day?
***************
Beauty:
Getting back to playing hosts
We decided to finally have a large group of people over, no matter if our house isn't perfectly set up. So, Jess and the kiddos (from the aforementioned snippet) and the MacAllers and their granddaughter and Paul and Janice came over for a night of john Zack's twice-sainted grandmother's pulled pork, wine, music and a whole lot of laughter.
And it was good.
And it felt like home. Our new home.
*******************
Beauty (props to Dominic)!!!
Blessed John XXIII at the opening of Vatican II, fifty years ago today:
""We feel we must disagree with these prophets of gloom who are always forecasting disaster as if the end of the world were at hand.
As Dominic says of the end of the world being at hand, "Beauty tells us it's not." Preach on, brother.
*****************
Beauty:
Kevin met some lovely people at a talk he gave a several weeks ago. A few days later, he got this email:
After our wonderful session on the Psalms with you on Saturday, Marsha and I told the other members of our group about you and your family's move to California. Naturally everyone asked if you had been to Disneyland yet with your children. We explained to them that financially it wasn’t do-able for you at this time. Well guess what???? We all want to send you and your family to Disneyland!!!. All 6 year old boys and their little sisters should go to Disneyland.
Guess where we're going this weekend???
The kids know that we are going at some point, but we gave Jacob the option of knowing when or being surprised.
He chose the latter.
It will be a 5:45 wake-up call on Friday, and you better believe we'll catch it on camera.
We're doing Disney Adventure on Friday, then Disneyland on Saturday where my soul sister Jantre and her sweet fam will join us.
YAY!!!
Go on, beautify your week!
Before that, some unloading.
We spent last night in the emergency room for what looked like a possible second miscarriage.
After a wonderful gathering with friends on Friday night and Saturday morning, I quickly began to have many of the same experiences as when I lost Benedict in July. Memories returned to me with intensity and confusion, and my beloved, steadfast Kevin tended to me like the true servant-hearted man he is. Janice, too, always thinking of how to to serve, came and gave me hugs and sat with me and let me ramble and cry. My adoptive mama while my mama is so far.
After resting/suffering much of Sunday, the doctor said it was important to come in to the ER to be sure I wasn't in need of a D and C or transfusion.
Okay, it's our first situation where we need to leave on a whim, and where to we turn? A role so often filled by family, to whom do we turn in our time of need to care for our sweeties as their own?
The Guy family, of course, came through again.
Laura and Adam have been such a welcoming force in our new lives here, consistently calling to check in, inviting us to gatherings and showing genuine care for us as we make a new home and community.
Dependable, loving, authentic.
As I called to tell Laura what was happening, before I even had a chance to ask, she said, "Bring the kids over. Pack pjs, they can spend the night if they need to."
And that, people, is how to be a friend. To anticipate needs, to support with joy, to actually and actively show care.
So long story short, we sat in the ER for 4+ hours, underwent tests, confirmed that it was NOT a miscarriage (praise God!!!!!!), waiting, blood tests, waiting, yadda, yadda, yadda. Texting ferociously with a dear soul friend, well-versed in these situations with a doctor hubby to boot. (Thank you, loves), and more waiting.
Diagnosis: Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding. Yup, that's a pretty good description.
Follow-up appointments and testing will come, but today has been a recovery day for me. Please pray that my energy will perk up and that I can actually get back to "normal."
But, you know, no matter the drudgery and challenges we've had, there is ALWAYS beauty to be found....
*************
Beauty:
My Jacob coming into his own, smoothing over some rough edges with patience, hardwork and lots of snuggles.
Best examples of his amazingness this week:
He CLEANED, unbidden, uncomplaining, and THOROUGH. I mean, boyfriend organized books, returned items to their proper place, swiped, wiped and rocked it. This happened not once but twice this weekend, bringing mama to tears of joy. No joke, he said, "Mama, can I do anything more to clean?"
Speaking of tears:
**************
Beauty: Watching old favorite movies and enjoying them through the eyes of my own childhood, anew as an adult, and through Jacob's eyes. This weekend's gem was:
Remember this version??? It's on Amazon Prime streaming. Jacob wanted to watch Avengers, but with a bit of, "it was one of my favorite movies as a kid," coaxing, he agreed. And it did not disappoint.
There's something moving about watching a film so simply done, dependent largely on dialogue, no major special effects, and to see one's child become engrossed. Even in the modern age of bigger, faster, louder, given the chance, our children can still fall in love with movies like this.
During the penultimate dramatic scene, I was of course already bawling. I look over to Jacob, whose hands are shielding his face from me. I moved them away, and there are huge crocodile tears pouring down that gorgeous face.
He's got it, that gift of tears, people!
**************
Beauty:
| BCS Standings | ||
| RK | TEAM | RECORD |
| 1 | Alabama | 6-0 |
| 2 | Florida | 6-0 |
| 3 | Oregon | 6-0 |
| 4 | Kansas State | 6-0 |
| 5 | Notre Dame | 6-0 |
AP Top 25 | |||
| RK | TEAM | RECORD | PTS |
| 1 | Alabama (60) | 6-0 | 1500 |
| 2 | Oregon | 6-0 | 1436 |
| 3 | Florida | 6-0 | 1361 |
| 4 | Kansas State | 6-0 | 1296 |
| 5 | Notre Dame | 6-0 | 1283 |
Beauty:
Meeting new friends.
I came home from work the other day, hormones all wacky a doo and as Kevin walks into the yard I melt into tears in his burly arms. We look over to see the BEAUTIFUL rainbow at the bottom of our hill, as it meets up with the mountains. A sweet young couple with a baby, a toddler and a puppy in walk past. I apologize for the random scene of a grown woman crying on the lawn, and we strike up a conversations. They, too, are new to the area and looking for a young family to befriend. Well, what else would we do but invite them to dinner the next day?
***************
Beauty:
Getting back to playing hosts
We decided to finally have a large group of people over, no matter if our house isn't perfectly set up. So, Jess and the kiddos (from the aforementioned snippet) and the MacAllers and their granddaughter and Paul and Janice came over for a night of john Zack's twice-sainted grandmother's pulled pork, wine, music and a whole lot of laughter.
And it was good.
And it felt like home. Our new home.
*******************
Beauty (props to Dominic)!!!
Blessed John XXIII at the opening of Vatican II, fifty years ago today:
""We feel we must disagree with these prophets of gloom who are always forecasting disaster as if the end of the world were at hand.
As Dominic says of the end of the world being at hand, "Beauty tells us it's not." Preach on, brother.
*****************
Beauty:
Kevin met some lovely people at a talk he gave a several weeks ago. A few days later, he got this email:
After our wonderful session on the Psalms with you on Saturday, Marsha and I told the other members of our group about you and your family's move to California. Naturally everyone asked if you had been to Disneyland yet with your children. We explained to them that financially it wasn’t do-able for you at this time. Well guess what???? We all want to send you and your family to Disneyland!!!. All 6 year old boys and their little sisters should go to Disneyland.
Guess where we're going this weekend???
The kids know that we are going at some point, but we gave Jacob the option of knowing when or being surprised.
He chose the latter.
It will be a 5:45 wake-up call on Friday, and you better believe we'll catch it on camera.
We're doing Disney Adventure on Friday, then Disneyland on Saturday where my soul sister Jantre and her sweet fam will join us.
YAY!!!
Go on, beautify your week!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Beauty Fest
It's Sunday, and while I missed last Sunday, I'm on the horse again to kick-start your week with some beauty.
First of all, I am deeply humbled.
The response to the post on our Benedict Joseph was absolutely overwhelming. I am thankful for your candor, your support, your bravery in sharing your own stories of loss, and for the healing we offer one another in sharing the burden of grief. We have added your children to our family book of intentions, and will pray for them always.
Something that was shared by several people is the link to the Shrine of the Holy Innocents. Here is the description from their website:
Often children who have died before birth have no grave or headstone, and sometimes not even a name. At The Church of The Holy Innocents, we invite you to name your child(ren) and to have the opportunity to have your baby's name inscribed in our "BOOK OF LIFE". Here, a candle is always lit in their memory. All day long people stop to pray. On the first Monday of every month, our 12:15pm Mass is celebrated in honor of these children and for the comfort of their families. We pray that you will find peace in knowing that your child(ren) will be remembered at the Shrine and honored by all who pray here.
http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp
***********************************
Beauty: Spending the afternoon with my sweet Jacob, buying his Tiger Scout uniform, going out to lunch and not ONCE feeling like things were going to come apart at the seams. It's an incredible thing to see your child becoming a better human being who is actually pretty darn amazing.
************************************
Beauty:
Remembering this sweet baby, born two years ago tomorrow (10-8-10)
Our sweet Mara Naomi, Mar-Mar, we are so thankful for your sweetness, your cuddles, that mega-watt smile, your adorable talking and for making our Elise a big sissy. You will always and forever be our "Miss. 'P.'"
***************************************
Beauty:
From Dogma and Preaching, Joseph Ratzinger
*******************************
Beauty:
Feeling welcomed so heartily. This Friday, it was the MacAllers who invited us into their home, shared an INCREDIBLE meal, wine, wii, and of course a singalong. What a blessing, to feel like we were amidst immediate friends. Love y'all!!
*******************************
Beauty:
Having neighbors and friends like this:
Who love us and our littles like we are their own. We love you, "Auntie" Janice and "Uncle" Paul!!
******************************
Love, Love, LOVING my job and the obvious gift it is to my peace of mind. I find I'm a wonderful part-time working Mama at this season in my life, and that's great
*******************************
Okay, people, link up, comment, email, facebook, but don't leave me hanging on my own to revel in this beauteousity!
Have a beauty-filled Monday!
First of all, I am deeply humbled.
The response to the post on our Benedict Joseph was absolutely overwhelming. I am thankful for your candor, your support, your bravery in sharing your own stories of loss, and for the healing we offer one another in sharing the burden of grief. We have added your children to our family book of intentions, and will pray for them always.
Something that was shared by several people is the link to the Shrine of the Holy Innocents. Here is the description from their website:
Often children who have died before birth have no grave or headstone, and sometimes not even a name. At The Church of The Holy Innocents, we invite you to name your child(ren) and to have the opportunity to have your baby's name inscribed in our "BOOK OF LIFE". Here, a candle is always lit in their memory. All day long people stop to pray. On the first Monday of every month, our 12:15pm Mass is celebrated in honor of these children and for the comfort of their families. We pray that you will find peace in knowing that your child(ren) will be remembered at the Shrine and honored by all who pray here.
http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp
***********************************
Beauty: Spending the afternoon with my sweet Jacob, buying his Tiger Scout uniform, going out to lunch and not ONCE feeling like things were going to come apart at the seams. It's an incredible thing to see your child becoming a better human being who is actually pretty darn amazing.
************************************
Beauty:
Remembering this sweet baby, born two years ago tomorrow (10-8-10)
***************************************
Beauty:
From Dogma and Preaching, Joseph Ratzinger
*******************************
Beauty:
Feeling welcomed so heartily. This Friday, it was the MacAllers who invited us into their home, shared an INCREDIBLE meal, wine, wii, and of course a singalong. What a blessing, to feel like we were amidst immediate friends. Love y'all!!
*******************************
Beauty:
Having neighbors and friends like this:
Who love us and our littles like we are their own. We love you, "Auntie" Janice and "Uncle" Paul!!
******************************
Love, Love, LOVING my job and the obvious gift it is to my peace of mind. I find I'm a wonderful part-time working Mama at this season in my life, and that's great
*******************************
Okay, people, link up, comment, email, facebook, but don't leave me hanging on my own to revel in this beauteousity!
Have a beauty-filled Monday!
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