Trudging

Yesterday, I understood.

I felt intensely the effort of being.

I understood the beauty/pain/exhaustion, the "it's all to much"ness dancing upon the string of losses/changes/transitions we've weathered these last weeks/months/years.

I lost not the will to live, but rather a will to move forward, to propel myself headlong into the coming day, put on my big girl panties, pull myself up by the bootstraps, or any other inspirational colloquialism.

I suppose it's all very un-American of me, to settle in to self-pity for the day, staring of into space, waiting for someone to tell me what to do next.  Where does this pile of folded laundry go?  Where do I put this form to fill out but we can't open our safe because the keys are missing?  How do I NOT think every snarky thing posted on social media is directed toward me?  How do I do the things?

Sometime it is just too much.  

And those are the days when you cry to your momma, call a friend, watch a string of <insert guilty pleasure show> episodes on Netflix, use those rosary beads, and go to bed at 8:00.

I thought perhaps my first post in almost a year should be effervescent, funny, full of pics and snazzerific Danielleisms. Well, those are there too, simmering in the background.  For now, this is the real deal. Not to be accused of inauthenticity, and prompted by my desire for connection, I decided now's as good a time as any to start 'er up again.

I'm so thankful for Christ, Our Lady, the saints, and all holy people who help shed light upon the way, assuring us that in a world striving to be unique and one-of-a-kind, we are not alone in our heavy-heartedness.  

Like my boy St. Ignatius of Loyola:

O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.

And this:

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew."

Saint Francis de Sales

What do YOU do when you're having a storm on the sea of Galilee sort of day?
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P.S.  Now that we actually have a home, are getting settled, and not moving cross-country, the blog sputters back to life.  Please subscribe/comment/engage, so that we can have a hearty back-and-forth!