To My Dearest Cecilia Rose

My dear long-awaited daughter, you are deeply loved.


Mommy and Daddy desired another baby after the great gift of your big brother,

Sweet Jacob

 but Mommy's body wasn't quite ready.


We worked and waited, prayed and hoped.  I began to accept that we might not bear more children physically, but would welcome them in a different and beautiful way.


Then, after such a long time,  it seemed I might have life within me again.  

 It was Tridduum, 2009.  I decided to wait until Easter to take a test, but late in the night of Holy Thursday/Good Friday, my hopes were dashed (or so it seemed).

On the day of greatest sadness, I experienced my own passion and death.  Why couldn't I bear another child, when thousands were abandoned, abused, or not even welcomed into this world?  Why were there people dreading the news of a new life, when I was literally crying out to feel the quickening of a child?


Throughout the rest of the weekend, I still felt an inkling of hope.  We were blessed to have the Skorich family and lovely Nicole with us for our Easter celebration.  At the time, my dear friend Danielle Rose was in the convent and was able to call her family for an Easter hello.  In their immense generosity, Rosie and Dan allowed me to speak Danielle.  Amidst sobbing in joy and missing one another, she said, "Danielle, do not be afraid of the baby Jesus has for you.  Trust Him."

Easter Monday:  PREGNANT!!!!!!

Your timing, sweet Ceci, was liturgically impeccable.  We heard of your new life at Easter, and welcomed you at Christmas.  From Great Feast to Great Feast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One year ago, I finally held you in my arms, Little Bird.

I love how it almost looks like she's smiling in this. 

I did not know if and when I would ever know this joy again.


The first cry of life, the tears that pour forth from an overflowing heart.  


And then.... there it is.

The soft weight of new life.


It is not just the weight of your tender body, but the weight of all that comes with such a complex gift.


It is the weight of providing faith, love, security, self-awareness, compassion. 


It is the weight of feeding and sleepless nights, of bonked heads and vaccinations. 


It is the weight of glorious development, growing every day into the beautiful child of God you were, are and will be.

You are full of life, welcoming, social, laid back, flirty, enthusiastic, strong, physically adept, spunky, beautiful, joyful, fierce, smiley, dramatic, cuddly, talkative.


And girl, let me tell ya, you are one gorgeous Ceci.